Christmas Family
I know I have said many times in my writings just how special this country and it’s people are. I know I have said many times just how happy I am here. I’m not sure if it’s that or because it’s Christmas time or maybe a combination of everything, but I got hit with a very strong urge a few weeks ago that I just “had” to help someone, some family here in China that needed help. I had no idea who that was, at least not yet. I asked several students and Lee to see if they knew a family that really needed help. My only criteria were that they were within reasonable distance and had at least one child. About two weeks passed without much luck, and then I got a call and an email from Lee with information on just such a family. The family name is Feng. There is an 11 year old boy named Xiaolei and his sister Xiaoyan who is 13. The children’s father passed away. Their mother remarried, then ran away, leaving the children alone. They are now being raised by their 70 year old grandfather, a very poor farmer in a small village about 1.5 hours south of me. The government gives them 250 rmb ($31.25) per month to live on. Two other volunteers in the south of China send the children 50 rmb ($6.25) each monthly. Some times the 50 rmb arrives and sometimes it gets lost somewhere along the way. However you look at it, that is far too little money to feed, clothe and shelter three people. The grandfather does his best, but cannot feed all three properly. For the good of the whole family, grandfather has decided that next year (fast approaching) he will have to give the boy to live in an orphanage, breaking up this family.
When I heard what was happening and when I saw the picture of this family, well, it hit me right between the eyes (and in my heart). How could this happen? I kept looking at the picture. I kept reading their names and what has happened to them in their short time here on earth. Something inside of me just yelled NO…. it won’t happen this way. I won’t let it. I decided to help this family. I thought I would show them a little about Christmas, at least the Christmas spirit. I was going to buy a few things I thought they would need, maybe some warm clothes. Lee and I went shopping a little. We started with some gloves. It’s getting very cold here and they all needed good warm gloves. We bought them each a nice pair. Shoes….no…boots. I wanted boots for the children. Lee had their shoe sizes. We found some that looked nice and warm. Lee asked the price. It was a little higher then I had hoped. While they talked, I walked 5 meters away to another open-air store and saw the same boots. Without speaking any Chinese I was able to tell the owner I was shopping for some poor children, not for myself. In 2 minutes his price was ½ of the other store on the same item. Lee came over to be sure we had the right sizes and we bought both pair. I did not know the grandfather’s size. We walked more. Hats? Yes. That was important too. Three warm wool pull over hats similar to the one I wear. Now I was smiling. I could imagine them wearing these items and feeling a little warmer. We looked at some coats, but ran out of time. I was expecting someone at my home and we had to leave the market.
Next day I asked a student of mine, she is also a friend, named Killer to help me shop more for them. Most of the students choose their own English name. Though she has a rough-tough name like Killer, she is a wonderful person with a heart of gold. We walked around the market getting more things I needed. Coats….we looked at many but liked few. Most were designed to look fashionable, but not too warm inside. We finally located some that looked a lot warmer, and still looked very nice. I told Killer I liked them and that was her time to step in for the job of bargaining to get the price down to a reasonable amount. She did great and I bought all three coats. I was happy. I was walking faster. Six pair of socks, three scarves, the big carry bag I brought was bulging full. Food, we needed food. Food that would keep for some time, as they had no refrigerator. We walked to the rear of the market, maybe 300-400 yards, and went to the same man I usually bought veggies from. I usually bought amounts like 2 potatoes, 3 carrots, etc. This time I wanted a lot more. Killer asked the price of potatoes and he told her a fair but average price. She asked him, how much for 20? He said “20 potatoes?” No, 20 kg. That is about 44 pounds. He lowered the price and we said “sold”. Then carrots…10kg. Chinese cabbage, it keeps for months, 20kg, sold. I paid for it all and asked him to hold it a few minutes as I needed rice now. We walked a few meters and found several stores selling rice. Killer looked and bargained, not for the poor quality rice, but the better rice. 25 kg, sold. We even got ½ kg of garlic. We told the store owners we needed all this food delivered to my hotel at the other end of the market and they happily agreed. We bought more food at one time then they probably sold all day. The veggie man delivered it all, even the rice. He even carried it all into the elevator and into my home. A very nice man. Killer had a class to go to so I thanked her a lot and she left. I asked her to ask her classmates if any wanted to donate anything to let me know before Saturday. That afternoon Lanny and Big Head (I don’t pick the names usually) called me and both wanted to help by donating some items. I had mentioned this family to Jean Whitt, another American teacher I worked with. She was very anxious to help even though she already has many other people she was helping here in China. She and one of her students put together a shoe-box gift for a boy and one for a girl. The student even gave her Sony Walkman as a gift to them both. The shoe boxes contained items like tooth brush, tooth paste, cookies, and many other items they needed. They were beautifully wrapped in red paper and labeled in Chinese, one for a boy and one for a girl. Jean also gave me an envelope containing a sizable amount of yuan (money) to give to the grandfather. She also had a few hand towels in a bag she gave me for them. Jean is an amazing teacher and person.
Next day I was at home and still thinking about this family. I was at first not going to give any toys at all, just necessary items. I altered my thinking just a little. When I was a small boy toys at Christmas was very important to me. It was a child’s way of showing a value of love. Back to the market I went, this time alone. A sporting goods store…in I go. These people love soccer so I bought a soccer ball for the boy. If it looses the air it’s useless so I bought a small pump to. I saw a box full of what I call a “kicker”. It made of several colorful feathers firmly planted in a weighted base. They toss this in the air maybe 2 meters high, and then use their feet, knees, chest, etc, to keep it in the air without using their hands at all. It’s very popular here. I bought one for him too. I had to stay fair to both children so it was the girls turn now. I saw a nice looking jump rope and bought it. Now I was out of time and had to leave. That afternoon a student of mine named Sky found out what I was doing and wanted to help. I told her I needed her to locate a big stuffed animal that I could buy for the girl. She has tears in her eyes and said she would buy it. I told her that I knew these students had no money to spare at all and all I needed was for her to locate one for me, that’s all. That evening I got a text message from her that she had gotten several toys and would meet me at my home at 12 noon today. Are you beginning to see how I can’t help but to love these students?
I just returned from visiting my “Christmas Family”. I have been calling them that because I still have a hard time pronouncing Chinese names. I have to correct that soon. I wrapped as many packages as I could to make them more “Christmas like” for the children. I may be ignorant but I have a problem not understanding that not everyone in the world celebrates Christmas, and even some that do, have nothing to celebrate about. When someone I know from back home says he’s broke, it usually means he is getting low on money. If he says he has nothing, he usually means he doesn’t have quite the newest car he wants, but he does have a nice car. He may not have the newest designer clothes, but he does in fact have a closet full of very nice clothes. That is not the same meanings as other people in the world saying the same statements…”I’m broke” or “I have nothing.” Lee’s sister volunteered to drive me to meet these people associated with my Christmas family. We first drove towards their school. On the way there we stopped along side the road and met with some volunteers from the school and from the agency that furnished me with the information on this family. They led us to the school so we did not get lost. We pulled up into the area in front of the main building and got out to meet two cars full of people that were here to help us in any way possible. There were volunteers, school teachers and the Head master of the school. We exchanged pleasantries, then was offered a tour of the grounds. School was closed for the winter holiday so no children were present. It was cold, at least to me it was. We walked all over the grounds looking at the buildings as they were explained to us as to what they were. The office building, the class rooms buildings and many that were dorms. This is a school for kids between about 11-15 years old, and during the school term, they lived here on campus in these dorm rooms. They were all locked, but I could see in the windows. I could also see more then 1 or 2 broken windows and some completely missing windows. The only room unlocked was the office. I walked in and was immediately was transported back in time to “Little house On The Prairie” times or older. There were several long desks there filled with all sorts of paper reports and forms. There was a small square black thing in somewhat center of the room. It was maybe16” x 16” X 24” tall. There was a vertical round hole in the center about 7” diameter. This was their room heater. There was no electric fan, no cord, no nothing. It just burns coal. Many things here burn coal, hence the air pollution. I remember some families used coal in America when I was a boy. I remember coal being used sized like rocks, maybe 1-2” diameter each and then shoveled into the furnace. Here coal is different. It gets mined in a dirt or dust form. It is then somehow shaped or compressed into sort of real big hockey puck. These hockey pucks are the standard size and shape of coal in China. This thing fits nicely into that 7” hole in the room heater. There were500-750 of these hockey pucks piled up in the corner of the room to be used as needed for heat. From the looks of that heater, I don’t think you would feel much heat if you were more then 10 feet away. The other end of the office had a blackboard with science type writing on it. In front of that partially filled with different colored liquids caught my eye. This room was half office and half science lab.
We walked around more. I looked into some windows to see other classrooms. Then I walked to the dorms and looked in. Many broken windows and several were missing. There was a long wooden table there. This was the bed. There was a rolled up straw mat maybe 1/8th inch thick. This was their mattress. I saw a few blankets that were a lot thinner then mine at home. There was a homemade wooden ladder propped up against the bed leading to an upper level of the same table-like bed and mats. I’m not sure how many kids to a room but I’d guess 10-12. There was no heat or AC in any room. I saw no desk either for doing homework. I’m not real sure there is electricity in the rooms either. OH….I think I forgot to tell you, but here in China, many middle school students live here at school all term. They sleep here, wake up here, eat food, go to school on the same grounds, play here if there is time then back to the dorm to study and sleep. The teachers live here too. You have to be extremely dedicated to be a teacher here. The dorms had a water outlet at the end of the building for drinking and washing. There was a small pan for water in the room to wash your hands. At the end of one building there was a very small electric clothes washer in use by a man, while a woman next to him was scrubbing a coat with a stiff brush and very cold water. Behind that was the playground. It looked very VERY unsafe, there was holes dug everywhere with big piles of dirt rocks and much other debris. There were about 5 basketball hoops scattered on the playground. There were no actual nets, just the hoops. Right next to the school property was a real big factory with 10-15 smoke stacks. They made mortar for building with bricks.
After a little while we all loaded up in three cars and started towards the children’s village. We drove a while and the city sights got fewer and fewer. The towns got smaller. The sights were a little grimmer. We were in coal mine territory. There was a gray dust on everything. The colors got dimmer. We made it through the last town before we reached their village. The roads got less maintained and smaller, rougher. We were climbing in altitude, up the mountains. The road was now dangerously narrow. There was room for only one car. I know there are very few cars up here but I don’t know what we will do if we encounter one coming the other direction. There is also no guard rail of any kind and if you leave the road it’s from 50-200 meters at least, straight down. The pavement ended, but we continued but at a much slower pace. Now the road was getting rough enough to where walking would be unsteady also. Lee’s sister, our driver, was too afraid to go on. She asked me if I would drive. I missed driving very much so I agreed. It was too rough now and too steep to continue like this. Everyone had to get out of the car and walk, leaving the driver, ME, alone. One person walked in front of my car guiding me so I did not fall off the road, and the others walked behind the car in case I did. I have walked, rode and driven in some pretty rough off road situations in a few countries, but this had my full, undivided attention. We went about ½ miles like this then the lead car stopped and the driver got out. He said we now had to turn around. I said “WHAT”? Where? He said here and now. This spot we stopped at was a little wider then before, maybe 2 feet wider then our cars are in length. The spotters are your life. One in front and one watching the rear of the car. You know what a “three point turn” is? Well this was a 33 point turn. 10 inches forward, 10 inches back (toward that cliff), 10 inches forward, and 10 inches back. Very slow and arduous but it had to be done. After we turned all 3 cars, everyone got out. I’m looking for a house, a driveway, a mailbox…something to show someone lived close by. There was nothing but a very small footpath turning and twisting farther up the mountain. We grabbed all we could of the supplies and gifts and walked the path. I am thankful it was not too far, my knees would not have made it.
Word was already spreading we were here. I have no idea how. The family walked the path and met us half way. We got them to load up on our supplies and head for their home. We came to a brick wall of some kind. Of all places I thought to haul bricks, way up here. The wall looked well made and there was a small, wooden double door leading into a very small courtyard. We stepped through and like a time warp portal you may see on Star Wars, we were transported back in time. Assorted very small buildings around us. I can hear some chickens. There are several different smells that my brain is trying to distinguish. What is this? Where am I? I follow the others to the door ahead slightly to the right and up 3 stairs. We push through the heavy plastic strips that they use as a door here. I am into their bedroom…no, their living room, wait, it’s both. The room is about 16 feet deep and maybe 10 feet wide. There are two beds in this room, one at either end. It’s clear they all sleep in this room. There is also an old 16 inch TV on a table with a small wire leading outside. I looked out and saw three very old, rusted antennas about 150 feet above them on a cliff. This was the entertainment system for them and their neighbors. There was one small dresser in the room and 2 small chairs I believe. We stood there and I spoke to them through my translators, mostly Lee. I explained who we were and why we were here. Their teacher told them a few days earlier we were coming. I explained very briefly that we wanted to help them as much as we could. I mentioned Christmas, but they just stood there with blank stares. I handed them each a brightly colored, wrapped gift. They stood there holding it. I asked Lee to tell them it was gifts for them and to please open them. They just stood there as if in shock. Lee and I had to take their hands and actually open the wrappings. I was not sure what to think. Were they happy or sad? Had I inadvertently embarrassed them? What was wrong? Lee told me they were very happy, but they had never received gifts before, they had never seen a foreigner before or seen so much food. They did not know what to do or how to act. They were in sort of shock. Photos were taken but one thing kept bothering me. Now and then grandpa and the girl would smile a little or at least when asked to. The boy never did. Through Lee I was told the boy has not smiled one time since his Dad died. I started to think…these kids have had no reason at all to smile most of their life. Why start now? It was not a natural thing for them to do. It was so hard for me to think about someone that basically did not know how to smile any more.
As I looked around their home and courtyard I was handed a cooked sweet potato to eat. They had grown and steamed this potato. I peeled a small area to taste. I peeled a larger area and took another bite. Hmmm……. This was the best sweet potato I have ever eaten. The ones cooked and sold in Zhengzhou are OK, but not at all like these. I made a mental note that on my next trip to bring a bag of sweet potatoes for them and to buy about six of theirs to bring back with me. There were three rooms total side by side with their bedroom. I looked into the next room and it was clearly a real living room but it had heavy dust on everything. It had not been used in a very long time. Next to that was another room used for storage and there was a small bed at one end. When dad was alive he used to sleep here. There were 2 big sacks of some sort of cornmeal or flour that they used to make noodles. A small, hand cranked noodle machine was there. It was a previous donation from someone. Those sacks were maybe 1/3 full. I saw no vegetables at all. I saw no meat either. I looked in the courtyard again and saw a small stone building that was on my right as I entered from the road. It was maybe 8 feet long and 6 feet deep. There was an open top wooden barrel at one end. It was filled with their drinking water, water I would not drink myself. There was a stove there but not like any I have ever seen. Remember those old cast iron stoves we had in America? Well this was about the same size, but made of brick and stone. They would start a fire under the bottom, heat would rise through holes inside to the pot on the top surface. They could burn wood, or when they could get some, coal. Two pots and a few cooking utensils were hanging on the wall and they were noticeably clean. One very small bare light bulb hung from a wire and lay against the wall. A very dreary looking kitchen but I was told this was very common in this rural area.
Around the courtyard I saw a very small chicken coop. There were 3 chickens inside. We fed them the peels off our sweet potatoes. I looked and took more photos. I was shooting a small stone room looking place when Lee came up behind me and whispered in my ear..”why are you shooting that?” I said it was a small stone built room that took a long time to build, even the seats were stone. She said it was their toilet. I never imagined a stone outhouse. I have seen many in America, but never out of stone. A little more then an hour had passed since we arrived here. It was time to leave. Through the efforts of Lee, I told them I was trying to be their friend. This was not just a one time thing for Christmas, (though it did start that way) and that we would return. Another teacher and I will give them 300 rmb each month for a year to help them raise their lifestyle just a little. We wanted to “be sure” the boy would stay at home and not in an orphanage. We were assured that he would stay. As I shook hands goodbye with the children I felt their hands. They were more rough then a 50 year old farmer’s hands. They were swollen chapped and the skin was cracked form the cold weather. I assured them I would not forget about them and could they please smile for one last picture I could take with me. The grandfather and young lady managed a small, forced smile. The boy could not. I started to show this family a little of the Christmas spirit, but things changed. I have a new mission here. It may take 3 months, 6 months maybe a year, but I want to make this boy smile, a natural smile. I want to see a smile that is because he wants to smile not because he was asked to smile for some old foreigner that showed up at his home one day. If anyone reading this blog feels the urge to help, please email me at Joseph.Barbarise@gmail.com and I will send you the name of the headmaster at his school and you can send whatever donation you like to help the whole village. There are between 25-35 people in his village. Thank you
Yesterday was a day for the foreign teachers to be invited to a beautiful lunch with the head of the Foreign Affairs Office and the Dean of our College for our Christmas. I was seated next to Mrs. Liang head of Foreign Affairs, when her assistant Owen told her about my adopted Chinese family. She asked to see some pictures and wants to come along on my next trip. Maybe we CAN get some much needed help for the whole village. I pray she does help.
Ok guys and girls, it's on to the next one, so click here http://my-china14.blogspot.com/ and meet me there. Remember, if there are any problems you can email me at joseph.barbarise@gmail.com
